2/24/23

I admit to being a golfaholic. Personally, I don’t think that I have a golf addiction problem, but I acknowledge that self-awareness tends to be “blind” when it comes to addiction.  Given that preamble, you might think that I only associate with golfers. That is not true!  I have several good friends (and most of my family members) who are not golfers. However, people who know me know my “obsession” with golf.  I guess it is safe to say that golf is a part of my identity. I suppose that some who know me might say that it IS my identity. In my defense, loving golf doesn’t mean that I can’t love people or passions beyond golf. Like all human beings, I can have a big heart and live in a big world beyond golf!  However…

Over my three decades plus of golf experiences, the benefits and blessings I have had are infinite. Right at the top of the list are the friendships I have formed or enhanced through golf. As it pertains to golf, the definition of friendship is broader than it is in my life relationships beyond golf.  I have played golf with relatives (to be discussed in another blog), close friends, and what I will call my “casual golf friends.”  There is a common feeling among most golfers that you rarely meet a “jerk” on the golf course. Casual friendships, born through golf, are easy to form. If you play a lot of “public course” golf, you are often paired with complete strangers.  I can say, almost without exception, that I have rarely had an unpleasant pairing on a golf course. In fact, some of these serendipitous pairings have turned into lasting golf friendships and in some cases, friendship beyond golf. In addition, some of my dearest golf experiences have been playing with close friends who also happen to be golfers.  The golf bond is a glue that truly binds. 

I’m sure that my experiences are not unique. In an earlier blog, I wrote about being a part of an African-American golf club, the Black Diamonds, who plays every weekend throughout the year as weather permits.  For me, the Black Diamonds group is the fraternity that I never joined in college. This connection through golf has been invaluable to me. I have formed new golf friendships through this group that have enhanced my enjoyment of the game for sure, but more importantly, it has connected with me to other men who share many similar joys, trials, and tribulations .  This group has become the barber shop of my youth. I remember listening to, absorbing, and being fascinated by the conversations of the black men who were a part of my boyhood barber shop. In my youth, going to the black barber shop was an important rite of passage for a black boy. I think that black fathers of that time cherished the tradition of taking their sons to the barber shop to learn about the essence of being a black man in a “safe” environment. Now, as a grown man, I am on a golf course (and 19^th hole), as an active participant with other black men, in a similar environment as the barber shop of my youth. Being able to compare and contrast my life experiences with my golf brothers in the Black Diamonds has been a special gift to me.

On a deeper level of friendship, I have a few close people with whom I have shared golf for years. Some of these close friends I have known for decades. In most cases, the friendship was there before golf entered the picture.  However, golf definitely added to the joy and richness of the friendships. Some of these friends I knew before I started playing golf.  Some of these friendships grew simultaneously with my love for golf.  I have played with childhood friends, high school friends, college friends, friends formed as an adult, and friends who were former students of mine. Different from my Black Diamonds experience, this group of close friends is a very diverse group in terms of race, religion, culture, and even age.  Since we were friends without golf, the addition of golf to our relationship only made our friendships stronger. The richness of these friendships has given me blessings beyond my ability to express adequately. I can only say thank you to these special and dear friends.

The great golf teacher, the late Harvey Penick, wrote wonderful anecdotes about golf. His “lessons” on golf and life are invaluable and timeless. He writes about how the golf journey can be a pathway to living a fulfilling and honorable life, not just a pastime for recreation. For the occasional golfer or non-golfer, this may seem a bit myopic. However, what I have found is that like other passions, golf can help a person form an outlook on life that can become a positive and productive way to live a life.  Being a musician is more than making music, and being a teacher is more than working with students. From that perspective, I found truth and guidance in Mr. Penick’s book entitled, And If You Play Golf, You’re My Friend. For me, there is great truth in Mr. Penick’s book title. My friends, being a golfer is more than just playing golf, and I am so very grateful for it!